new performance piece. accompanying text below:

When your origins are as tangled and rooted in trauma as mine, attachment and belonging are cravings that grow into a gnawing understanding of displacement. You are neither his or hers nor theirs; searching often leads to piles of severed roots that serve as evidence of the disconnect between yourself & the knowledge that can connect you to your lineage. My roots were placed in knotted, tangled heaps at my feet the moment each foot was pulled out from the security of my mother into the abyss of an unknown space. I went from darkness to light, but only in the sense that my place of residency had changed; from the shrouded enclave of her womb to the brightly lit hospital operating room where my mother lay on the table, cut open to save both our lives. I was birthed into a meticulously sterilized environment designed to facilitate a safe arrival, while at the same time born into a familial existence where my survival was not guaranteed…

Forging new pathways to find the truth, to untangle knotted roots, to rebuild severed familial and Self connections can be an isolating experience. This is especially true if you’re trying to disrupt and break the cycles that lead to their tangling, severing and subsequent generational suffering in the first place. Healing is nonlinear, and so is the process to extract what’s true about your own history vs. what you’ve been told through filters of pain, dysfunction, and trauma. For me personally, I can say that the more committed I become to both processes, the more I find belonging within and to myself.

 It heals the wounds around abandonment and satiates the longing which then allows me to see the belonging I’ve found in my own children and partner.

A new familial cycle has been set into motion.